Ahoj dear reader! It is so nice to know that you somehow stumbled upon this website and got into this section to get to know some of our life-stories better, and get to know what shaped us into people we have come to be. That simply means you care about diversity in many of its meanings, and that you realize that it needs to be cared for, not just by us, but by as many people as possible. My name is Dušan (Dushi ), I am 20 years old, and I was born in a small city in the Eastern part of Slovakia, about 40 kilometers from the Ukrainian border. My story begins as a story of an always smiling, energetic, mischievous, and carefree child. My uncle even gave me a nickname torpedo . I really enjoyed myself, drew a lot, also danced, did some poem recitals. On the other hand, I was really not into traditional boy sports such as football. I still do not like it to this day. Even in elementary school, some children sometimes called me a „pupuš“ which in a rough translation would be a term which marks a person, which is flamboyant, fabulous, happy, and free. It also is a word for gay people. At that time I really had no idea why other kids called me like that, and I also had no idea what specifically this word means. I don't even know where the other kids got the word from...I did not really care much. I am from a quite strong catholic and conservative country, where homosexuality is not widely talked about so it took me quite a long time to find out what the word gay actually meant. All of my personality changed when at the age of 10 I changed schools and started attending a secondary grammar school. For a(yet)n unknown reason I closed up, became really shy, was not really social, friendly, outgoing, smiling, or happy anymore. I became a nerd with almost no social life, with a very limited number of friends, and became bullied as well. I often found escape from my boring world in fantasy books, movies, or video games. However, there were a couple of moments which made my life worth much more. When I was 13 there were a couple of people who befriended me, even in spite of a fact that I was a nerdy kid, and was a bit discriminated against. I also started to grow my hair long at this time. When I was 14/15 I first started to observe the fact that I like boys, and that I feel attracted to them. I did not give this much thought, I truly tried to get this out of my mind. Of course I knew I wanted a „happy family“ consisting of a wife and a couple of children. I wanted to have a „normal“ life! And I tried. Although I thought I had several crushes on girls, there was always something missing, The spark. As all of the other teenage boys were crazy about women and could not stop talking about wanting to have sex with them, I just could not relate to any of that at all! I was also really close to having a girlfriend, but I backed out. It all go like this until I was 16/17, when I went for a 10 month study exchange to the US. It helped me to open some closets in my mind, and I managed to at least admit that I might be bisexual, or even gay. At the end of the stay I tried to flirt with a girl though... When I got back from the US, I actually told my best friend that I just might be gay. I encountered a negative reaction, and it all brought me back ever further into my closet. I remained in the closet until I was 19 years old and in my second year of university studies, which actually take place in the most open-minded place of the country! Only at that time, not even a year ago, I felt comfortable myself with the fact that I am gay, and that it is not going to change whatsoever. After that it all went very quickly, I thought that if I came out so late, there is so much to catch up with. So I started my public coming out process, in two months I told my parents, in another month I have heard about this youth exchange and I definitely said that I WILL go. I cut my long hair after six years, I changed my image, and again I started to feel much more like my own „torpedo“ self. I lowered the shield that was there around me for so long, I let people reach inside me, get to know me, started being friendly, talkative, funny, and people could truly see that I was finally happy. Before the coming out I even got a nickname „the boy who is always frowning“. It is true that during my coming out, I had only a limited amount of negative reaction, which helped me to move forward at a faster pace, for that I am truly thankful. Here came august 2014 and the AYAD youth exchange. I truly had no idea what to expect from this. When I got to Rotterdam, and spent an unforgettable week there (mostly because of the people who helped to create all of the experiences), it even helped me to gather enough courage to went out of the closet even on facebook. It made me proud, it also made me a Bambi , it gave me inspiration, it gave me hope that change can happen. It also made me understand that if you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself in the first place. Step by step, things will follow, and „even one drop can start a waterfall“ (Gert-Jan Verboom, Rotterdam, 2014). I made a new network of friends, which is very worth of keeping it, I learned a lot from listening and sharing with each other. I experienced what sexual diversity means to me, and that it should be strived for. Self-expression and self/acceptance are two things, without which sexual diversity would not exist for me. To show affection, is to be human. And all know, that I trully appreciate your affection, of any kind. Although it is true that I appreciate some more than others, but I guess it is natural. Honestly I left a person in Rotterdam who managed to get to my center, and who will always remain there somewhere, ever present in the rainbow of its beating. Now as I am writing this, I am back home in Slovakia, full of memories and marks that were made on my heart through the week. I still cannot believe that I am back in „reality“, Rotterdam now seems like a dream to me...I know that I do not regret anything that happened in my life now, I embrace it, and in turn it makes me stronger and more determined. Earlier in my life I desperately needed a role-model in it, to give me direction to follow. Now I am finally myself, and I shape my own life now. For this I thank you.

Eternally yours,

Bambi jr.